CONTENT EDITED.

I want to write, and I have many things to write about, but somehow, I just couldn’t express my feelings into words…

I will try to organize my thoughts tomorrow… and perhaps write a draft for this blog entry….

CONTENT EDITED. FOR PERSONAL BLOG READERS ONLY.

CONTENT EDITED. FOR PRIVATE READERS ONLY.

CONTENT EDITED.

This morning has been a tough day. First, I don’t feel very well. I was sniffling all throughout the day when I was conducting my class. My knees are still aching so bad that I had to limp while I was climbing a few flights of stairs. Second is that I was able to fire some sarcastic remarks towards my "favorite student, and third is that we were able to have our class picture taken.

Ah… class pictures. I never did look good in class pictures, actually. I always frown during class pictures, when I don’t even want to. Sometimes, it appears that I have my head propped over one of my classmates’s head that it looks as if my head is floating. But I am thankful enough that I never have my eyes closed…

Again, I had a surreal feeling when our class picture was taken. It was as if time has turned back into my high school days again. Back when we were in high school, we only few members in a class, so not much excitement happens whenever we have our picture taken. And besides, I never did like class pictures because they were always planned. The Kodak moment is a big sham. The photographer tells you to smile even if you don’t want to. And besides, I rarely look good in pictures.

Our class picture (in A____) was taken in the stage, and of course my students were playing around when the photographer was still not around. I want to shush them down, but I don’t want to because I know that I would probably doing the same thing if I were one of them. The Q_____ (my advisory section) boys morphed from being students to being circus acts and ballerinas, because they carry each other and dance, as if it was a scene taken from "Ice Castles." I dunno whether I am very lax or not, but I just don’t want to bother myself, screaming on the top of my lungs at mangsaway because I’d just be problematic. As long as nobody has his head hit on the concrete wall, everything is fine with me.

The two fourth year sections had a group picture. I think that they were not supposed to, but they prodded the Division Head about it, with the help of the photographer himself. So there, we had a group picture, with the two sections, Q____ and O_____, in tow.

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Half Time break: Sarcastic Jokes from the High school English teacher (in the fourth year class)

DARTH: (Writes this sentence on the board: The inventor Frankenstein created a monster.) Point out the appositive in this sentence:

Student 1: Mam, hindi po ba ang pangalan ng monster, Frankenstein?

DARTH: Actually, no… The inventor’s name is Frankenstein.

Student 2: But how come the they called the monster Frankenstein?

DARTH: Well, it’s like this. Whenever a person gets known for one thing, the work becomes associated with that person. For example, when (a name of a student) creates the monster and he doesn’t give the monster a name, you’ll just call the monster (the name of the student).

(students laugh)

                                                        ******

Some of the boys in my advisory class were called because of their haircut. Their hair must not touch their collar. The head calls them one by one and snips an inch on their hair. If you’re there, you can associate that scene as if it was from the movie "Dead Man Walking."

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I have to stop here… I still have to wake up tomorrow coz I have to enroll for PNU… Yes, I’ll be absent in class tomorrow, but I still have to go in the afternoon because I still want to conduct my class in Logic.

Ever had that experience when you think that you’re having the time of your life - you’re young, full of vibrant energy, you have your own share of libido bursting in awkward places, and then it just hits you…

YOU ARE GETTING OLD…

I never did imagine myself being old. When I was just in grade school, I thought that I would not get old. I always tell my classmates that I will be forever young, that I will be forever stuck in that stage when I just had to play as if there’s no tomorrow. I thought that I will chase butterflies in the fields till who knows when. And then, it just strikes you.

I AM GETTING OLD…  goddamit…

Here are a few signs that I was able to spot - clear-cut signs that I am really getting old:

1. The skin around my eyes are beginning to crinkle when I laugh. When I do not laugh, I can still see visible signs of laugh lines and crow’s feet.

2. I am beginning to have memory gap. At an early age of TWENTY-TWO, I still could not remember the names of my students in the Third Year level. I also have the tendency to always forget where I hide things.

3. My knees are aching since last Wednesday. This is arthritis, I tell you. My left leg hurts like hell! I don’t know if the reason for this one is because of standing up so often during the quarterly exams. I roamed around the room for half a day. Ayan tuloy, nirayuma.

4. I hate activities which requires me to do a lot of moving. I just want to stay in one place. Like what I’m doing now, typing this blog.

5. I have a backache. My back is killing me all the time.

On the other hand, I also have several manifestations that I haven’t really grown up:

1. I am a true-blue pasaway - I have the tendency to go against the norms, especially against the administration of the school that I am working for.

2. During Saturdays, I morph into a school girl quite similar to how my students act towards me. Just like last Saturday, my professor in Education 3 noticed that I am very silent, and that I look very depressed all the time, which is not true, of course. I just don’t really like her that I actually disappear in her class for 15 to 20 or even 30 minutes. And why don’t I like her, you ask? Well, you couldn’t probably substitute an 80’s dance class for a Psychology class, could you? She’s one of the most-hated professors that I ever had, next to Raul Leonardo who couldn’t do anything better but to sniff Hansel sandwiches with the giraffes and their shit. Anyway, last Friday, she actually approached me, held my wrist and told me to cheer up. I answered her,

DARTH: "Masayahin po ako, ma’am. Katulad ngayon, masaya ako, super."

PROF: "Talaga, a…"

DARTH: "Opo nga, ma’am! YEHEY!" (and then, the professor leaves, and then, I shouted) YEHEY!!!!!!!!!! (and then I clapped and jumped) YEHEY!!!!! HINDI KO NA RIN KAYO MAKIKITA!!! NAKALAYA NA RIN AKO!!!!!!!!

3. I still know the songs that my students are listening to, and I am still able to understand their jokes. Most of the teachers will just smirk when they joke around. I laugh with them.

4. uh… I guess that’s it…

Well, come to think about it, age is just expressed by numbers. I may be twenty-two, but if I keep my youthful glow (which reminds me… gotta avail of that Ponds’ or Olay stuff..) and my youthful soul within, I’d still be a member of the Juvenile Delinquency group.

But for now, I have to go… still have to get hold of that bottle of Efficascent oil… My knee is killing me.

Well… what can I say?

I feel rather annoyed that I was chosen as the quizmaster (or quizmistress, as my fellow teachers call it) of an upcoming contest in school called "Battle of the Brains." It’s a Game Ka Na Ba contest placed in a school set-up. I was included in one of these contests in high school and I and my teamate won (of course.wahehehe). It was just pretty surreal that I am now the one who is answering the questions, and not answering them. I have a co-quiz master, actually - the other fourth year adviser - who was as reluctant as I am. I was just wondering why in the world do they have to get two quizmasters when they could have just gotten one of us.

Hmm… let’s see… Three of the students in my section are included in the contest. There will be five teams in the contest and they should have their own coaches.

Another thing that has been bothering me is about A_________’s administration. Just this morning, the beloved principal has issued a memo (from DepEd daw, but I doubt it), stating that students are prohibited to bring any gadgets such as cellphones, MP3s, IPods and other similar devices to school starting Monday. She stated that these gadgets are the main reasons why stealing is rampant in our school. The teachers (one of them is me, of course) will confiscate those things once we see them use their little trinkets. Students have been complaining to me about the rule, telling them that they are in a sort of Martial Law, telling me that the administration should order the confiscation of calculators as well, coz it’s a gadget, anyway. I told them that telling me their grievances is quite futile, since we teachers also do not have our own voices to tell the admistration our concerns. As of now, they couldn’t do anything about it. I don’t know if the same policy will really take into effect for the next few months.

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I feel quite guilty that I haven’t lend a hand to the staffers of the school newspaper. The thing is, I am an unwilling victim or contract signing and task delegation. I really didn’t want to be the school paper adviser, because I admit that my knowledge is not enough for me to give assistance to the students. Second, I feel kinda out of place whenever the students are inside the computer room and typing. They are closer to each other and they share more stuffs together. As a matter of fact, I don’t even know if they like me, and I couldn’t blame them for that. I rarely show up, anyway. When one of the staffers asked me about my middle initial, telling me that they will type my name in the staff box, I want to tell them that I rarely even deserve the credit. I really want to help, but I don’t think that I am offering the help that they need.

Guess I’ll just write up to here. Still have to check some papers.

It’s already October. Time has indeed been running fast. Two years ago, on this very day, I was still in FEU, writing my thesis, perhaps. It took me a very long time before I was able to finish analyzing Forster’s novels; I kept on going to the library to find some resources to be utilized for my research, and I kept on spending sleepless nights, trying to figure out how to express my thoughts in disorganized pieces of paper. Last year, I was in Sencor, spending time in the morning shift with the then "Research Center" gang. It was always a drag for me to wake up very early and board a bus at 4am, and feeling as though I wasn’t in a bus, but in a roller coaster ride in Enchanted Kingdom (I thought I’d die many times because the drivers were overtaking every vehicle that comes in their way, wanting to get first; they were also hogging the whole road, as if it belongs to them). The only thing that makes me want to go to work is fooling around with my pals (AWWWW). Who would want to catch Hades personified as a menopausal boss, engaging herself in a clandestine conversation in the phone with her presumed lover (is it the one with the motorcycle or is it a younger man? Hah.. who cares?). And this year, I went back to the four-walled classroom I usually spend time with. I am back to the old drawing board. During the weekdays, I am the sole authority. During the weekends, I morph into my usual schoolgirl self. This is indeed the life.

We had our final examinations in PNU yesterday. The test included all of the things in our book, and the only time that I had reviewed was just last Friday. I had an undertime that day, and students were wondering why I had to go earlier than they have to. I told them that I have to review for an exam. Sila lang ba ang may karapatang magreview? Nevertheless, I think that reviewing was futile, because right when I was able to get hold of the test paper, my mind had gone blank, thinking, "What the heck are these questions all about?!" Good grief, I just guessed most of the questions - I just hope that Lady Luck was at my side that moment. The professor, Atty. Duka, required us not to have any erasures in the exam, or else, he wouldn’t check our papers. Some were able to finish the exam for several minutes, and they already passed their papers after. Guess what? I was the last one to finish. I looked around, and it occured to me that I was the only one sitting there and trying to figure out the answers to the questions like, "What does the law RA 9155 state?" or "What is the Sexual Harrassment Law?" Although the professor told  me that I still had 30 minutes to answer, I already passed my paper after 5 or 10 minutes. Nakakahiya, eh. And then I asked him whether he will still be handling classes for the CTP next semester. He said that Education 1 is the only class he has under CTP. I was hoping to enroll again in his class, if ever he does have one. I’d rather be in a class with a professor who gives the students a hard time to study so that they would learn, rather than be in a class with a lax teacher. Even though I had a hard time passing that subject (with the doubt that I may even fail!), at least I was able to learn.

Well, I wonder if I will have the same hard time next semester. Or better yet, will I still be able to finish the course, considering the fact that I am handling 4th year students?

Good luck na lang sa kin.