First of all, I would like to thank my friends who had commented in my previous blog entry. For those who haven’t, well, fat chance that you’re going to receive a testimonial from me next time. Nah. Just kidding. I want to clarify that thing about what my friends have commented. I’m human too (let me emphasize that)and yes, even though I don’t really like to feel that thing, I was glad that I am still capable of digesting emotions too (I’ll probably write about this in the Gulong ng Palad blog).

Anyway, I already told A2 that I had plans of resigning just last week, but I don’t think that she will expect my resignation until after Holy Week but I am going to submit it tomorrow. Besides being engrossed in thoughts of realization that I am getting tired of so many Sarah Geronimos, Freddie Aguilars and Willie Gartes singing when we’re in an overtime (meaning, these singing researchers are in the morning shift), and besides, the thought of listening to Whitney Houston’s hits makes me insane, I thought I needed a break. Or better yet, I need a career shift. And you know what I’m going to do?

I decided to pursue a career in Education.

I said it as subtle as I can be. Want it to be more vulgar?

Pinagpasyahan kong maging GRO… Wait… GURO pala.hehe.

I can see you smile. I can imagine your laughter filling the room.

I know that if you know me, you would probably think that being a teacher is the last thing I want to do on earth. I am weird. My pastime is fooling around with people. I am serious-looking, but I am not serious. Everytime you see me sitting in my desk, my head resting on one hand in a Ninoy Aquino pose, I am not contemplating about the file that I’m doing. I’m contemplating what kind of "exotic" (meaning, inedible) food the canteen’s going to serve us during dinner (yesterday, they served a kind of broth. It just looks like TUBIG-ULAN to me, with "damo" (sure hope it’s not maryjanes) floating in the middle of the small bowl. Their menu consists of viands with toyo in it. Their menu ends there).

Well, I guess people reach some point in their lives when they seriously want something to happen in their routinary existence. For me, I don’t want to sit in this swivel chair forever, mechanically stooping down to turn on the computer (in some cases, I feel like I am the computer, and the machine in front of me controls me like heck) and update some files. Surely I, with all the neophytes in the world, deserve something better than that. But I guess the problem of unemployment goes three ways, in my own observation: 1. the president couldn’t think of any job other than being in the very intellectual (READ: SARCASM) call center hubs in the metro. 2. the students are disregarding the necessity of education, so in the same manner, when they are placed in the corporate world, they perform poorly and 3. the corporate world is focusing on accepting graduates from Ateneo, UP, La Salle, and you know, the other high-profile schools, leaving most of the students in the trenches. But I guess when you consider number three, the pressure will depend on the students to sell their wits and talents into the corporate (or any other kind) world.

Anyway, being a sensei is just one of my weird ambitions, among others. Even though I am only 21 years old, I feel that I have very little time to accomplish my dreams. Is this a sort of "naiiwan ka na ng pahahon" kind of rush? I don’t know… Neophytes, don’t you agree? It seems that we have a very little time ahead of us to accomplish our dreams, whether you want to be a doctor, a lawyer, a politician or a janitor or a babymaker (hehehehe). There are so many things to do, and so little time.

At the moment that I am typing this blog, I already submitted my resignation letter. A2 thought that I opted not to resign, since I informed them way before the April 17. The copy of my resignation even ran short - I was supposed to submit 3 copies but I only made one… and that was addressed to Big Momma. God, my days are numbered…

The countdown starts now.

Yup, this is a dead-end job, and I am part of the robotic minion.

For so many months (well, actually, it’s only been 6 months) since I’ve been in here in in this corporate wasteland of sorts, and I’ve been trying to get kicked out, but to no avail, I am still here. I am supposed to publish a blog, telling my friends what I will miss about them, but again, I wasn’t able to publish it, due to constant mental constipation brought about by the near ‘judgement day,’ among others. All I can say is, they really made a big mistake in taking me in (what is this, a sort of a mental hospital in Mandaluyong) because here I am, punching my daily time card in the bundy clock and slacking off.

Sigh…

So much for all the complaining and all the whining, I AM STILL HECK HERE. Does this prove the old adage that goes something like, "Masamang damo, mahirap mamatay." I should’ve gone to church, or to a synagogue or a mosque, if that’s the case. I am still enraged (yes, do you want me to type that in bold letters? ENRAGED) that our inay, ended her contract. It had spark a little (okay, not little, but quite a great deal)rebellious side of me, the same thing that happened when I was in my former job as a Yong-oh Kang-sa in some tutorial stint. I dunno why am I like this. I rebel. Much like James Dean in his movie "A Rebel Without a Cause." But I have a cause, and it is a noble cause. I have heard news about the unfair evaluation of employees in the place that I am in.

As for the others, well, some people have been kicked off Big Momma’s house. And what can I tell them? Let me type it in bold letters:

YOU ARE LUCKY AS HECK, YOU’RE OUT OF BIG MOMMA’S PRISION, YOU LUCKY GUY/GIRL.

Okay, so there’s the part where you get all sad and lonely because you have lost your job, but in my part, it’s more about missing my friends. Inay missed us a lot, and I am surely missing her too. Rachelle Ann Go might be out of the corporate world that I am in, but that doesn’t stop her to reach for the stars. Believe me, Inay, you will soar higher than you expected because you are out of this junk.

And because of that, and so many other reasons other than that, I’ve decided to resign. And you tell me, "WHAT???? YOU’RE GOING TO RESIGN? BUT YOU JUST GOT PROMOTED!" Heck, I don’t care. I’m not the type of person who wants to be chained into something that I don’t want to do. I am a free soul. I AM AN AB LITERATURE GRADUATE, AND POETS HAVE FREE SOULS. H-E-C-K.

Anyway, this is the blog that I forgot to publish last Saturday, the time when everybody was all giddy and glad because we are "in.":

MARCH 11, 2006

Come to think of it, I don’t really care what happens tomorrow. As if you don’t know, Big Momma will finally grip us with her bloody claws and unveil whether we get to keep our jobs or not. Again, it’s a "Damn it if you do, damn it if you don’t" situation. With the qualities I got from the Shakespearean tragic hero Hamlet, I ask myself, "To be (an employee here in) or not to be… That is the question."

My original plan was to pack up my bags last October - the schedule is killing me, especially during the night, when I have to slip on Cinderella’s role (you get what I mean, I don’t want to elaborate it because I’m sick and tired of the restrictions I have to take) and sleep late as heck. When I’m in the afternoon shift, I try to be brave in crossing Taft Avenue, trying to get my feet on a bus to go home. Actually, I haven’t told you that I was nearly run over by a g**d**n truck, for goodness’ sake. And they ask me, "Bakit ayaw mong mag-board?" and I say, "Hindi rin naman ako magtatagal."

And the world awaits for everyone’s decision. Everybody thinks that there’s a big chance of our contract getting extended, but I don’t think that I could bear sitting in this spot for three more months. I feel like a robot with a human being (is it a human being, anyway?) controlling me. The name’s madmallari, ID number 05081, at your service. What a heck world, what a heck life.

And then, of course, the dilemma of having money comes into the picture. Heck, I keep asking myself why wasn’t I born as a snotty rich kid who has money to burn, and yet, I think, if I am born as such, my life will be as boring and as empty as hell. I mean, what is up with the corporate world? It’s all about money. It’s all about making money. It’s all about numbers. I do not want to exist in this kind of world, and yet, the universe is quickly morphing into a wasteland.

Anyway, if my contract expires tomorrow, there are certain things that I want my pals in Sencor want to know. These are the things that I will miss doing, hearing, or seeing with these people.

1. Mae Acido - our madrasta - it was really nice of you to reach out to our group when we were just starting out at Sencor. Hope you enjoy your new job. Pwede bang sumama kahit security guard lang ako dun?hehehehehe

2. Jeff Dumalen - ang aming amain - wala na akong sinasabihan ng "Flip mo naman ang hair mo, Jeff." Ikaw ang may pinakamagandang buhok sa balat ng Sencor.heheheh

3. Vera Corporal - dahil hindi na tayo magka-shift, namimiss ko na ang simpleng banat mo. You’re a woman of a few words. Pag nagbiro yan, minsan lang, but it goes right here (*thumps on chest*) tatawa ka talaga.

4. Ems Missiona - si MAYORA… I miss calling you Mayora, but I think Mayores has a different Mayora, or well, "MAYORO," in some cases. Wala nang magpe-perk up ng positive attitude ko, kung meron man.

5. Den Bonzon - NARUUUUUUUTOOOOOOO….. Nasan na si NARUTA? Dinakip na ba ng home for the aged?hehehe. No, seriously, he’s our one-of-a kind "itay," who stomps to the beat of Kelly Clarkson’s "Because of You."  I miss those days. Buti na lang at me iba nang pumapadyak. Uy, itay, papagaralin mo kami, a.

6. Andy Renevera - INAY! I miss my mother. She’s my CR buddy before. We used to go to the CR to chat, to have a break in hell. A coffee break from hell.heheh. I’m really going to miss inay. I remember the days when it was as if I smoked pot and all of a sudden, I called Den ‘Itay" and Andy "inay." Sigh. I miss that. Aim high, girl!

7. GOLDA Mendoza - (your name is typed in caps.hehe) I will miss this girl once I leave the office next month. She’s a very thoughtful girl, who cries once she is touched by a single good deed or a single sad moment. I have never seen someone as passionate as you about seeing sunsets, and that is really great (you know, being passionate about something)

8. Doris Licera - ah, Inay’s bunso. I will miss the goodies that she gives us whenever she has some. I was shocked when she was giving away Cadbury bars when I couldn’t even give a Stork candy.

9. Jel Cruz - the special child like me. The Bella Flores of the Renevera-Bonzon family, this girl drafts her blog before typing it in Friendster. Jel, wag kang mabaliw pag wala na ako, a. Sana wag naman dumating ang point na gapusin ka nina Dah at Doris.hehe. I really appreciate the fact that you dig Roth’s Portnoy’s Complaint. Minsan lang akong makahanap ng baliw na katulad ko. heheh. Kelan kayo magcoconcert nina Imelda Papin at Christian Bautista?hehe

And of course, how can I forget the new extended family, officially taken in just last two weeks ago. Don’t get all touchy-feely about this comment, but it was (or still) nice having you around, providing us the laughs every dinner (nga pala, bakit ba ngayon lang kayo sumabay sa amin? Dapat noong January pa, para mas maaga kaming natuwa.hehehe).

10. Pio Ozoa - our new "lolo," Pio - let me describe himself in a rather odd manner - a "gentle giant," much like the cartoon "The Iron Man" (have you watched that one? It’s about a robot that’s really big. Get it on VCD). Kidding aside, I really appreciate the fact that you didn’t treat us (namely Jel and me) as mere disgusting insects, or we’re some people who would carry the Bird Flu virus around because you managed to sit with us during lunch when we were isolated. That was really nice of you, Lolo Pio. (don’t mug me to death because of this blog, ok?)

11. Godwin Nuñez - I call this guy three names: 1. "Nardo," because he always sings that Kamikazee song "Narda", 2. "Christian Bautista," because he also sings his songs, complete with his band (that is, he stomps his feet when he sings. Me banda na pala si Christian Bautista ngayon, noh?) and 3. "The Concert King," obvious, of course, from the mentioned "hobbies" of this guy. Thanks for not mugging me for asking a lot during the exchange gift in the office last Christmas. I’m still thankful that you didn’t give me "ahas, ipis at puso ng baboy" when you got pissed off looking for the books that I asked you to find. We’ll surely miss your funny antics during dinner, kidding Lolo around. Hope you will have your own band someday (pagpatuloy mo ang pagpadyak at pagkanta mo, iho. haha), and we will write a book about our frustrated life here in the office with your chapter entitled "Memoirs of Godwin."hehehe. (don’t mug me to death after you read this.)

12. Mylene Del Rosario - I’ll miss this girl, especially the times when she would just blurt out a witty comment or two when we’re on our way home, riding a jeep. She says "Mabubura ang mukha ko" whenever the jeep that we’re riding in seems like it’s going to hell (mabilis kasi), and some very witty jokes about Lolo whenever we’re eating. Mylene, nahawa ka ata sa virus ko na naiwan ko sa computer ko.hehehe.

Sigh. It’s fun having these people around, and frankly speaking, they’re the only ones who keeps my sanity in place (if I am still not insane) whenever I drown in morbid thoughts when I hear Big Momma’s cackling. And for that, I want to thank these people for bearing my mental instability. =)

Hay naku…

I’m here again. Sitting in this swivel chair hurting my butt (I want to get one of those chairs used by Big Momma while talking to the… well, whoever she talks with), straining my g**d**n eyes by looking into the computer. As Sir Miel puts it, this is a dead-end job. Well, actually, a lot of new grads (like me - it’s nearly one year) and oldies who are thoroughly experienced in the field of work (those who are walking in Ayala with their attache cases intact and armed with sleek, no-nonsense business attire), or better yet, the corporate world in general. I don’t know why, but as a lot of people are graduating from college, jobs do become available, but they are the ones that will make you insane from listening to the Americans trying to get their computer fixed through the things a CCR says, or, in my case, your hands will get a severe rheumatism from typing too much and well, washing your hands afterwards. It couldn’t get more rewarding than this (sarcasm, of course).

And so here I am, armed with my philosophical beliefs and 99% insanity, deciding whether am I destined to keep my job or not. Or, whether one of the millons of uncomplementary remarks I’m delivering about Cerberus (guess who it is - it’s obvious enough) has been heard. I don’t really know.

Just last night, I was completely unaware that breaktime ends at 7:15, and not at 7:30pm. And here I was, online in Yahoo mail and Friendster, not knowing that Big Momma might peek behind me and startle me like hell with the words, "Ano ang ginagawa mo? You’re wasting the company’s money!" Buti na lang, hindi niya ako nahuli. And besides, I didn’t do it on purpose (but I want to… someday… wag lang ngayon kasi kelangan ko ng pera).

Everyday of my life, as time goes by (I know, like the song), I notice that I have been living in a meaningless string of melancholic nonsense. I want to exist doing something noble, something worthwhile. So far, I don’t think that I am achieving that purpose.

Isa na namang kadramahan ito.