two weeks since i left oxbridge, i got a new job as a researcher in some company… it’s great, i mean, with the heck time i have to get through before getting a job, actually getting one seemed like a divine intervention.

i kept on thinking about oxbridge (here i go again) and my desire to teach and influence students to smoke pot (just kidding) and i decide to have a teaching stint after my work in this new company. i know that the last thing that people want to do is teach, but i think they do not know the rewards that will come from it. when i was teaching in oxbridge, it was just really neat to have good comments from your students, telling you that you teach well, and that they are learning a lot from you… there’s a fluttering feeling inside, the one that makes you say "awww…" and continue doing your work even better. the world of education is nothing like the corporate world where they care about nothing but making money, even if they don’t tell you that it is the thing that they care about most (please do not be offended, business-oriented friends…). from the countless times that i have undergone a job interview, i have encountered many biases that the corporate world has. just like the prince in Exupery’s work noted, why do grown-ups believe that well-dressed people are more credible than others? why do grown-ups focus on matters of money and forget the things that are very important in our lives? yes, money is important, but what saddens me is the fact that people dwell on the materialistic idea and make it their ‘personal legend?’

sigh.

i miss my old world. i miss college. i miss the cramped halls of Arts Building (because it’s filled with nursing students). i miss the classes we had with sir jess, ma’am erestain, sir sol and the other professors. i miss the dormitory i once lived in. i miss my former roomates and the times we had to giggle and shout over nothing. i miss "motherly," (my roomates know who she is) for goodness’ sake. i know that changes are good. i just don’t want them to happen at once. little by little, perhaps, yes. in one big blow, no. i want to bring back the days of innocence when all i had to care about is when do i get my diapers changed. the real world is cruel, college folks. if the only world you know now is school, think again. after that, there’s certainly more issues to face.

well, i guess that’s one thing i have to do.

damn it… right in the middle of typing my blog post, the electricity went out so i have to type one all over again….

i already left my job as a yong-oh kang-sa in oxbridge language center, and although saying it is as corny as ever, i miss my co-teachers and the mongoloid race (the koreans ARE part of the mongoloid race, aren’t they?).

i shouldn’t even be leaving until august 12 (and that is a confession, folks) but an alluring opportunity made me think otherwise. i am partly regretting leaving oxbridge because i’ve already made friendship among my co-teachers as well as my students, and leaving isn’t really the best resort to everything, especially when it was as abrupt as that.

i don’t like our ‘boss’ that much (folks, that’s another confession) because… i don’t know… she doesn’t seem to be a good boss for me. i do not like the way that she treats us teachers and as well as the students. at least she could’ve served better food for us and better service for the students. do you know that everytime it rains, the students’ rooms get wet? and she doesn’t even get the rooms fixed, for goodness’ sakes.

i left the language center as fast as the wind last tuesday even if i didn’t want to. i hate it when i saw our ‘boss’ looking sick, her nose stuffy as heck and she looked like she’s going to have influenza or something, then i barged into the office with nothing good to say but ‘i want to resign.’  i felt bad. i never thought that i would feel bad because i wanted to leave. it seems that i felt bad because i’ll miss all of the people in the center.

it seems really corny to say this, but i miss everyone. i miss everything. i have always hated changes. i hated leaving high school and going to college because it meant that i would have to temporarily leave my high school friends and establish new friendships in FEU. i hated it when my favorite professor died because he would not be able to enrich other people’s lives. i am a weird girl, sometimes, i feel strong about something, and sometimes i just don’t care about it. right now, i do care about it. i miss everyone.

i hate it when i had to leave just like that. i know that people in the language center don’t care or maybe the persons reading this blogpost tells me that i am just a sentimental freak, but heck, what i am writing is true. i miss the dirty cups and the way that the helpers in the language center tell me that i should not drink from the koreans’ crystal cups (what’s the difference? they’re going to rinse it anyway. this is a clear exhibition of racism!). i miss the way we line up during lunch to get some sinigang na munggo with matching dilis (only in oxbridge). i miss the talks i have with my co-teachers about the students who seem to be ill with ADHD or something because of their eccentric behavior. i miss repeating grammar instructions to the mother-daughter tandem and know that after five times of explanation, they still do not get what i want them to do. i miss waving to my co-teacher and telling her ‘aja’ whenever she had to reach the rowdy Sera. i miss the days when i had to argue with my students over an answer to an exercise. all of these immaterial things stick into my mind like heck. all of these things make me realize what i want to be, what my personal legend is. i want to educate people by teaching them personally or through my writings.

shit. mila? not really. a cooler version. a non-martyr version. a cool activist professor of literature. a pasaway professor of literature who, even though she has a way against authority, doesn’t fail to let her students see what is right and wrong.

one of my students wondered why i was leaving so suddenly, and he thought it was because of the ‘boss.’ well, yes, he has not mistaken. it is solely just because of her. i am not seeking for a higher salary or better environment. i am seeking for a boss who understands the needs of her subordinates. she failed to do that. if there’s anything i hate, it’s people who do not care about other people. all of the things i have acquired in oxbridge are certainly worth remembering. well, except that one thing i hate, of course, and you know what it is.

we all have to make choices even if we don’t want to, because that is what life is all about. i have made my choice and i am thinking it over. i’m giving myself a week to think about it… well, maybe a few days… i just have to be positive about things. God will help me lead to the right direction.